Letter For Him

Dear Be,

How are you? I am writing this letter for you coz I wanna talk to you.. Just gathering the thoughts of the things I want to say to you makes me cry already.
Sometimes, I don’t want to cry anymore. I’m just too tired of crying, I guess. But, I have to. I need to talk to you. Even here, in email..

Been a month now, since you left. It was so sad. I wanted to hate you for leaving me. But I can’t. Because I got no choice that time. You are the only person I am holding on to. I cannot hate you. I cannot hate the person whom I vowed to love for as long as I live. But being alone, made me realized so many things.. I asked myself, did I make the wrong decisions? Maybe, I should’ve stayed in Manila in the 1st place. But I chose to be with you, because I wanna be with you. Maybe, I should’ve not love you anyway.. But my heart is telling me, I got you and I made the right decision. But my brain is asking me, why am I hurting? Why am I alone? Why am I crying every night?

I know, making the decision to be with somebody, will take a lot of sacrifices. I know that, and I was ready. Because I know, I have you, with me, beside me. As I have said to you many times, I love you. And I mean that. You showed me how much you love me too. That’s why, maybe, I got dependent on you. I love the way you take care of me. I love the way you look at me. I love you in every way.. I prayed for you. For Him to give you to me.. And I got you. The happiness, contentment, heaven. Our relationship is not perfect, I know that. But I didn’t care..

Now, I am preparing to leave our home.. Taking pictures of our things that needs to go, those I cannot afford to bring with me. Just like the feeling when you left me, I am now having that feeling. This is hurting me so much more because this is ours. This is where you left me and this is where I want you to come back.. but I have to go Be.. I can’t wait for you here anymore.. I am leaving this house with full of our memories..

I know you’re sad. Sacrifices makes us stronger. But I guess, I am getting weak now, day by day.. I can’t help but cry. I have no one to turn to.. For all this time, I am being told not to cry to you, not to tell you how I feel, not to tell you of anything that would make you feel bad.. I’m trying Be.. I’m trying to be strong here. Alone. I can’t help to think and feel that I do not have you anymore. I am asking myself, why I can’t talk to you? Why am I always thinking how you would feel? How about me? How about me, here, alone?

Be, I guess, what I’m trying to say is, be with me.. Just be with me. Not physically, but please can you build up that feeling again in me that I am not alone? That I can talk to you about anything, about how I feel. I need you too Be.. I need you.. I am holding on.. I am keeping my promise to you, na hindi ako bibitaw.. I’m trying.. But I can’t if I feel alone Be..

I’ll be strong be. Even if I feel that I wanna raise my hands and say “I surrender”, I’ll keep on fighting as long as I can.. I love you..

Through the years, through all the good and bad
I knew how much we had, I’ve always been so glad
To be with you … Through the years
It’s better every day, you’ve kissed my tears away
As long as it’s okay, I’ll stay with you
Through the years

Through the years, when everything went wrong
Together we were strong, I know that I belong
Right here with you … Through the years
I never had a doubt, we’d always work things out
I’ve learned what love’s about, by loving you
Through the years

Love,
Ness

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