Leap Year 2012…

Today, I needed to be stronger than before. This week has not been really good to me and my husband. I needed to go out of our house this afternoon, to catch some air and see other faces. After paying our bills, I found myself in front of an altar – in a church. I realized, I need to let go of this. I needed to cry. 😦

There are some things that’s making my husband weaker and weaker as days goes by. His job is very important to us. It is currently our bread and butter. But ito din ang nagpapahirap sa kanya ngayon… 😦 Ang hirap makita yung taong kunukuhanan ko ng lakas is walang kibo, nanghihina and palaging nag-iisip. But as a wife, I know I have to be strong for him. This time, I have to give back the strength he’s giving me all this time. In times like this, I need to be up and be able to think straight so I can continue supporting my husband.

Pero, I was about to explode. This is really hard for me. Being a full-time housewife – staying at home, makes me see it everytime my husband just stares at nothing, hear his sighs and seeing him not been able to get a good sleep. But I never saw him cry. I can see that he’s still trying to be strong for me. After letting go of all the tears sa simbahan kanina, I decided to go home na so I can prepare our dinner.

But, I don’t know what happened that I felt sadness and hurt when I entered our door. And this made me so lazy to cook. I sat in front of my laptop and started to go online. When my husband woke up, still no dinner was ready. Then, we just decided to have our food delivered to us. No one from us dared to start any conversation. I’m soaked up in hurting and sadness and so with my husband. The house was so quiet. After dinner, he prepared himself for work.

Before he left, he kissed and hugged me. Then I realized, he was crying. Tears fell down on my face too. I felt his sadness and that he’s hurting too. With no words coming from both us, from the way he hugged me, I felt that he’s asking and longing for understanding… I just whispered to him that I will be here for him and whatever happens, I will be always waiting for him, here in our home.

I’m still crying while writing this. I know, malalampasan namin ito. There will always be moments like this. And I’m happy that I have him on my side. I love him, so much. Whatever destiny brings to us, I know we will laugh this off, in time.

I’m praying for guidance. Guide us to make the best and most appropriate decisions this time. Patience, understanding and stronger faith. I know, together, we will be able to get through this.

I remember our promise to each other: “Walang bibitaw.”

Praying, Nessie

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